Ok, let’s get it out of the way and have the compulsory Tom Cruise bashing- he’s probably a gay weird midget who is a Scientologist freak (somethings should be banned to protect people from their own stupidity). His acting skills are non-existent but he manages to be successful and seriously fair play to him punching above his weight/height.

Now that’s done, let me give you some background and see if you think Mr Cruise (supposedly got very sharp-eyed lawyers, but if you sue, happy to comply and thanks for the publicity and for reading, please leave a comment) is the only weirdo here. When I was young, my sisters and I, with my parents driving, used to tour Europe by car for a few weeks every year and we only played the same tapes every year, but in my young strange mind they were the greatest music out there. As I read Commando comics, and my sisters read Twinkle and Bunty we listened to:

1) Dire Straits – Money for Nothing – first ever album I bought. Still listen to it. Brothers in Arms still one of the greatest songs of all times and it got even better when it featured in the greatest West Wing episode.
Question: If you had to choose between the Sopranos and The West Wing as the only series you could watch, what would it be? I pick the West Wing- you?

2) Buster soundtrack -taped copy – “We are going loco down in Acapulco ..” even now it makes me dance a camp jiggle as I type this.

3) Pet Shop Boys and Erasure – The campest bands of the 80s, the godfathers of dance music is how I justify them, but there is no need with their great music.

4) Hue and Cry and Del Amitri – pure class.

5) My mums mix tape which had highlights such as Sonny and Cher, the Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck song and Gloria…GLORIA!!!!

6) Lots of viacom tape books, which had the deep sounding viacom voice and “when r2d2 goes dodododup.. you turn the page”

7) Top Gun soundtrack.

I do understand why the Communists always have self-confession sessions as it does clear the soul, bring back tears of happiness and shame and it has also allowed me to move on and write this review with a critical ear.

1. Danger Zone – Kenny Loggins This is still a great piece of cheesy music and makes me want to have a motorbike, and race along in the dusk beside fighter jets or simply go and bomb something.

2. Mighty Wings – Cheap Trick Every album needs some fillers to fill out the time, and this is pure filler.

3. Playing With the Boys – Kenny Loggins I’m writing this as I listen to the soundtrack and even though I haven’t seen the movie in years, I can still see the homo-erotica film photography of them playing volleyball on the beach and that dominates this rather mediocre track.

4. Lead Me On – Teena Marie Lead me on, lead meeee on, on, on, on, on. The lyrics are bad, the trumpets(?) in the background are pure eighties, but for some reason I’m still nodding my head and signing along, therefore I must sadly like this song.

5. Take My Breath Away- Berlin After all these years, it’s just tacky, but yet again I still hum along even though the song does seem to last a minute and half too long, so the longer I listen to it my self respect comes back as I start to dislike it again.

6. Hot Summer Nights – Miami Sound Machine Ok, not great, not bad, but I still have the chorus burned in my head from too many previous plays. Did Gloria Estefan (where is she now?) sing this?

7. Heaven in Your Eyes – Loverboy Dreary ballad that seems to stretch time making this song feel like it lasts for an hour. The good thing about mp3′s is that you can just click a mouse and fast forward, where I remember being very excited having a ghetto-blaster that had the magical thing where you could fast forward a tape and it would find the next track by finding the next music break. Kids nowadays never had it so good.

8. Through the Fire – Larry Greene Slightly better than the last song, still stretches time, yet it’s more upbeat. The Top Gun version of Rockys Eye of the Tiger, but with 1/100th of the motivational sound. *click* next song.

9. Destination Unknown – Marietta Come on, this is getting ridiculous, how could my memories blank out so many bad songs in a row. Better than the last two.

10. Top Gun Anthem – Harold Faltermeyer and Steve Steven Great, fantastic, anthem-ic. I can see myself walking across a carrier, helmet under my arm and shouting “you can be my wingman” but the song, like many others on this soundtrack, seems to repeat itself and goes on too long. If that is Steve Stevens real name, what cruel parents.

11. (Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay – Otis Redding It’s strange that such a great classical song as this is on this album and it changes the mood completely, especially after the adrenaline rush of the last one.

12. Memories – Harold Faltermeyer The navigator with the mustache (goose? gooseman?) is dead, and this track plods along sharing the grief.

13. Great Balls of Fire [Original Version] – Jerry Lee Lewis Never really liked this song – Was this in Back to Future one of the greatest movies of all time?

14. You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ – Righteous Brothers I detest this slow song and my detestation was reinforced with how drunk people think that this is them being original and singing it whenever they have access to a microphone. I went to wedding in Thailand which was great, apart from the time the groom and some of his very drunken mates sang this song on stage. Gav – utter shambles, but it’s your wedding and you can do what you want on that day.

15. Playing With the Boys [Dance Mix] – Kenny Loggins I’m over this album now and I wonder why did they have to stick on a unneeded 1980s dance version of this song at the end.

This album has been a revelation to me as I never realized how bad it was, how dis-jointed the tracks were and that I think I’m turning into a cranky old man, who has a core of gayness ( I still love Queen and the Pet Shop Boys) and when this album finished on my PC, Kylie came on singing ‘Better The Devil You Know’ and ‘The Loco-Motion’ and I didn’t change the music so maybe my marriage is a sham or I’m straight with really bad music taste – I’m confused.

Looking back, I see that this is a gay movie with a gay soundtrack and then I discovered this video on youtube (credit to ilike2mash) and I’ll let the QT summarize it for me.